Ok the title has nothing to do with what I am writing, I just got tired of using brain vomit.

((A Little side note this latest entries have just been periods of free writing with no purpose, it is my innermost thoughts, and I use the blog writing process to reconcile what i am thinking and feeling))

As I look at myself and think on myself the more confused about myself i get. I am pretty sure I know what i feel about certain subjects (politics and religion), but the problem is that the more I learn the more confused i get. Of my religious views, for example, I know that religion has done nothing to deserve my reverence, but on the flip-side I am careful not to wear my atheism on my sleeve because i do not feel like going day to day having to defend myself or argue with people. Right now my beliefs ( or lack thereof) are private and in the process of growing. I am still investigating myself myself. However the more I learn and the more viewpoints i investigate, the farther a personal conclusion seems. Some my take this confusion as an opportunity to steer me towards some god or other religion. But alas, the confusion is not coause by uncertainty or void, but from indecision . I have to reconcile my conclusions about humanity with the idea’s of others.

My political beleifs are a bit more concrete ( however this may be due to a lack of knowledge, and as I learn more, that concrete may crumble) But there are those issues in politics that are not black&white for me.

The most confusing aspect of myself is what I would like in a mate. the only concrete fact is that i would like to be with a woman. As far as what i am looking for physically, there are two things I need to consider, my historical taste ( meaning that I am looking at my historical dating pattern) and my infatuational taste. Historically I have dated 1 of two type of women; the short petite girl, or the proportionately larger girl ( think America Ferrara) As for my infatuational taste there is not pattern. In all reality, I am ignoring my historical taste when looking for someone new.

Then There are the intagables, personality, interests etc… I know that i want to be with someone with whom I can share my thoughts of faith and religion with out fear of reprisal, or at least does not dedicate their life to the faith or  religion they were raised in. I would love to be with someone who shares in my interests, or someone who may not share in my interests but is open to being with me as I indulge in my interests.

There is always a dichotomy  in what I want. I teeter between selfish desires and consideration for whom i am with.



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